How Loving Yourself First Helps You Love Those Around You

Written by General Login


Posted on December 16 2021

To thine ownself be true. That poetic phrase extends to anyone who wishes to create a more loving environment - one that is both nurturing and profound. You cannot help others if you don’t understand yourself first and appreciate both your strengths and weaknesses.

So, how do you love yourself so you can fulfill this need and extend this attitude to others? First, seek out those activities where you can wear clothes that represent “love yourself” clothing - expressing yourself independently, being your best sef.

While improving your self-esteem may seem impossible, at times, researchers have discovered several key elements work.




To like yourself, you have to accept yourself. Most people in society are perfectionists with hard-to-meet expectations. As humans, you have to remember we are all flawed. To  love yourself, you have to love yourself unconditionally. This means you have to expect yourself and others to make mistakes.

While this attitude does not dismiss poor behavior or shuns the idea of change, it does guide you toward self-improvement. Yes, you can love yourself. You don’t have to constantly beat yourself up mentally. 


Keep Things Transparent

By accepting yourself, you have to learn more about you. Most young adults define themselves from their experiences or what others have said. Increasing self-confidence begins with learning who you are - truly. 

Remember, you are responsible for defining who you are - not others. By knowing yourself better, you will learn the importance of transparency. Don’t hide those parts of yourself that are equally valid. When evaluating who you are and your goals, it’s not about what others think. Embrace both your desires and shortcomings to increase your self-esteem.


Practicing Compassion


Don’t get passion confused with compassion. Test compassion by asking yourself if you feel judged by other people. The fear of being judged frequently results from making judgments yourself. People often assume others dislike them if they dislike themselves.

Show compassion to yourself and you can show compassion to kindness to others as well. Let others off the hook, even if they do not live up to your standards. Then shift that same understanding back to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Learning tolerance starts with allowing for errors - in others and yourself.

The above words can help us discover self-love and improvement - of the body, soul, and mind.

    • Self-love involves finding calm inside ourselves – one that settles into our being. Therefore, inner serenity involves a kind and nurturing attitude toward our inner experience.
    • It is frequently easier to be kind to others than yourself. However, it becomes even easier to love others when you practice self-love. Past judgments leave a residue that obstructs our true feelings about others and ourselves. 
    • Be gentle with yourself, or amiable toward the feelings that emerge within you. Yes, it is normal to feel hurt, sad, or scared, at times. However, unlike the world view, this recognition is a sign of strength, not weakness. 
    • Be mindful of your feelings and give them some latitude. If you experience difficult emotions, be gentle on yourself - caring and appreciative. In return, any feelings of pain will subside, and not feel so overwhelming or burdensome.
    • When you learn to treat yourself kindly, you can also foster this same behavior to others. 

To thine ownself be true and you can give of yourself more fully.

Face the Good and Bad in Life

Self-love involves accepting our feelings as they are. We often strive to forget negative memories and cling to happy ones. But, as Buddhist psychology shows, clinging to pleasurable things and avoiding unpleasant feelings causes more suffering.

Fear and shame may keep us from allowing our experience to live within us. We may think we're weak if we express sadness, hurt, or anxiety. Maybe we've been told it's not okay to feel, and we're worried about being judged.


Embracing the Wisdom of What Is Not Known

When you are honest with yourself, you may find you cannot express certain feelings. That is because emotions often are hazy - imprecise and unexplored. By thinking about these feelings and focusing, we learn more about ourselves.

For instance, have you gotten angry with a partner when something else is beneath the surface? If so, you need to scrutinize that feeling more. Because the world values decisiveness and know-how, we may overlook what we are actually experiencing. 

After all, if a public figure, for example, does not voice a strong opinion, the public may view him or her as wishy-washy, less than honest, or weak. However, it actually takes more courage to say, “I’m not sure. Let me think it over.”


Final Thoughts

To embrace self-love, you have to separate yourself from society, from the media, and think for yourself. Treat yourself as you would like others to treat you, and you will find a new best friend. When you make this simple commitment, you will find that loving yourself and loving others is a new joy - a joy that will take you far on life’s uncertain journey.


Written By: Janine Pichetterik from Liberate Yourself





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