Healing My Inner Child•
Posted on May 14 2019
Today is bittersweet. As I sit here typing this, I am also reflecting on the last 4 months. Four months of pain. Four months of heartache. Four months of insight. Four months of pure “wtf” mixed with “ah-ha!” mixed with tears and laughter. Overall, it was four wonderful months of growth. And today, I close my container and move on from this chapter in my life.
I have spent the last 4 months working alongside one of the most beautiful and talented women I have come across and I have never been so grateful for taking a leap of faith. Together, we helped to heal my inner child. We helped her to release her pain, we helped her to know she isn’t alone and we gave her a safe place to release any previous traumas that have affected her (my) current role in this world. Was it costly? Yes. Was there days I didn’t wanna show up? Also yes. But when I think of how much I have transformed and how much I have really grown, everything was well worth it.
So often we find ourselves just strolling through life. We’re not really sure why we think the way we do but we’ve certainly accepted that this is life, right? So we don’t ask many questions, we just proceed. Starting at birth, we are constantly told things by the people around us and those people hold a lot of influence over us. As we grow up, we accept these “truths” as our own. For those of you who have children, I am sure you’ve heard the phrase “repetition is key”. While repetition is key, it is also very instilling. By the time we’re in our pre-teens, our views of this world have already been set out for us.
That can include our belief systems, our religion, the way we have learned to protect ourselves and handle our emotions, the way we react and respond to situations, the foods we like, the people we hang out with, the school system we attend, and so on. All of these things are external shapings. And the things we learn during that first decade of our lives ultimately creates how we show up in the world later in life.
Looking back now, I’m not one bit surprised I’m here writing this at 31 years young. I was always kind of the “black sheep”. I rebelled against authority - not because I had an issue with authority, but because I had an issue with being told what and when I needed to do things in my life. In school, I was constantly rebelling against the system. Asking questions and exploring the why’s of life. I was always the outspoken friend that most parents liked, but there was just as many who thought their children were better off away from “the rebel child”. I always said that no amount of money could keep me in a job I wasn’t happy at.
I was faced with some pretty intense molding points in my life which created incredibly toxic patterns for me. I created in my own life what was taught to me and let me tell you, not all of it was pretty. I hold zero resentment towards anyone but it’s also very important that we bring an awareness to our inner child for the fact that’s where everything stems from.
This is not to say the people in our lives meant us any harm but the problem with all these “truths” and views that are forced into our subconscious is exactly that - they are forced (generally, unintentionally) before we can even realize what is happening. They’re also fictional, mostly. Each conclusion is in the hands of the person who interprets it and passes it along.
But these also happen to be the most powerful fictions you will come across because we humans have a knack for holding onto these systems with such grip that we are blind to anything that goes against the grain and so we shut down new perspectives immediately.
If what we believe can be questioned, if what we know is simply some other person’s thought process, if the “truth” isn’t really the truth, what are we left with? A really big, scary world of the unknown. And the unknown is the perfect blank canvas to create and unleash the real you; the version of you who would exist had you not been told who to be.
I say that to say this - if there is something you don’t understand about yourself, something you don’t align with or something you’re questioning, allow yourself to explore the outside world of thought. Question your reactions. Question the things people have told you. Question your belief system and where it came from. Question it ALL.
Did you choose this view or did someone tell you that’s the way it is? Are you a naturally angry person or is there a pattern behind being triggered? Are you letting things pile up emotionally for fear of confrontation and allowing people to walk all over you in the process? Set boundaries. Explore your traumas. Try to bring yourself back to the child version of you. How does the 4 year old in you feel? Is he/she trying to make themselves noticed in hopes you heal those traumas? Do they feel heard or are they screaming inside to have a voice? Dig. Dig. Dig. What did you find?
Although most of what we were taught is out of our control, it is still our life to live and it’s okay to go against the grain and take in new information to process as your own. It’s okay to heal those past versions of yourself so you can show up as more of your true self in the present. It’s okay to piss people off who don’t understand your way or your view. You owe no explanation for exploring yourself internally and your inner child will thank you for lives to come!